Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
