my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
