I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
