I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
