You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
