hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
