I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
