Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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