If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
this is an emotional support booty call
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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