need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
