Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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