I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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