Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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