Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
