We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
