she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
