Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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