So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
