You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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