Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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