i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
handjob tips. give me some.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
