haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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