am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
