So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
