So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
