you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
