wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
