Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
