my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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