if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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