you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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