M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
