I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
