I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
