I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
