remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
