Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fuck appropriateness.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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