I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you had me at cake vodka
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Randomize
