I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
