1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
