Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
