now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
