you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
