I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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