I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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