The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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