I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
