I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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