I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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