Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
