I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We have started to decorate penises.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
