I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
