She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
