Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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